Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
