I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she looked like the before picture.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
