You're completely useless in the revolution.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
