Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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