ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
wanna go halves on a baby?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize