I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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