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Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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