I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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