Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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