Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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