I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
