I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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