Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
