Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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