I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we made out on top of his cat.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize