a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
