u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
