my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
