she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Alive.
So much puke
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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