I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
