I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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