HIV tests are more positive than that guy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
