I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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