There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
