did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
