When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
