Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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