Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
