dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
