I hope mine doesn't look like that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
