i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize