I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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