You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
