What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
