So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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