i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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