There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
