yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
