the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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