allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
