I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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