i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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