WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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