do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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