Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
