You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize