I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
