Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
