He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize