So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
