when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
