i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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