This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
