Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
