I'm drive I can fine osifer
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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