I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
