It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
