one two three fourrrrnication!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
