I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
