I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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