Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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