So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
