Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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