I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize