I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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