how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
