i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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