He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
