just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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