I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
