So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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